center me

lord, you center me

you are my peace

a calmness that i can return to when i am off course

and overwhelmed by the griefs of this world

late

“You’re three minutes late.”

 

These were the words spoken by a daughter in a hospital room shortly after the chaplain arrived. Her mother had passed away three minutes earlier. Whether spoken plainly, as a matter of fact, or spoken with anger and resentment, they came with an impact. Life and circumstances are beyond our control. There is no way of knowing when someone will die, yet we all will die. In the face of death, we sometimes experience guilt. That is a natural response. What could I have done differently? How would I have liked to spend those last moments with the one I love? Guilt can overwhelm. Guilt can also be something that you place on another individual when it becomes too great of a burden to shoulder alone. I was three minutes late. I had failed to meet an expectation. An expectation that was unrealistic. We have no control over life and death. Yet three minutes late is right on time when we look at it from God’s perspective. Lateness creates tension and we prefer to eliminate that kind of stress, but what if God wants to bring you to the rock bottom? What if God is using this to deepen your own awareness and acknowledgement of your helplessness? Your deepest desires and desperations rise to the surface in such circumstances and the only answers come from God. Do not move away from him. Lean into the pain and suffering. Beauty will emerge in time.

 

“Help is coming one day late.”

 

There is a song by Sam Philips with this refrain. She sings that “after you’ve given up and all is gone; help is coming one day late.” A cynical, jaded and morbid response? Perhaps. But there is or to it than what is on the surface. She continues saying “remember that there has always been good like stars you don’t see in the day sky so wait ‘til night [because] help is coming.” The good that has always been is God. We often experience his silence, but he is always there in the midst of the bad and ugly circumstances of life. Wait for him and he will show up in the night like the stars.

 

“If you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

 

Words spoken by both Martha and her sister Mary. Was Jesus late? Should he have been there sooner? Not in the least. Listen to what Jesus had to say about the situation. “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe.” This death was not the end. It was the beginning of something big. It was the beginning of a deeper revelation about Jesus. Lazarus would rise again because Jesus was the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in him though they die, will live. Everyone who believes in him shall never die. There is hope on the other side of death for those who believe in Jesus, because he is the resurrection and the life. When we are devastated by the circumstances of life and it appears that there is no help is in sight, be assured that hope will arrive late!

hungry crow

long beak and jet-black eyes

head constantly moving as you strut around the courtyard

dressed in crow feather black and blue you scavenge the grounds for food

you risk vulnerability by approaching benches where humans are seated eating lunch and looking at screens

you scamper toward a dropped french fry and eat it as if it is a worm, then continue to scan the grounds for more

head bobbing, hips wagging, you walk from bench to bench

if the humans were any less engaged you could eat directly from their styrofoam containers

god with us

in the routines of the day and in the stillness of the night, you are with us

in the joy and in the laughter, you are with us

in the sorrow and defeating circumstances, you are with us

in the anger and frustration, you are with us

in the abuse and trauma, you are with us

in the unexpected and unplanned happenings, you are with us

in the solitude and quiet moments, you are with us

in the noise and activity, you are with us

make us increasingly aware of your presence with us

slowness is your way

when i am stuck in traffic and running late

when the task is taking longer than i would like for it to take

remind me that i lose you when i am in a hurry

remind me that i cannot hear from you unless i slow down and listen

remind me that slowness is your way

start of the day

i love the start of the day when the house is quiet

and my mind is free from the worries of the previous day

or the concerns that will surely come with the day that is before me

and i close my eyes and listen to the silence

and my heart is pulled into an ancient, divine presence

and i am enjoined with gladness of heart

as i abide in an ageless community of love

everything comes alive

everything comes alive with the first rays of sunlight

wet drops of dew slowly slide down blades of grass

tree branches stretch out as if yawning

flowers sway gently in the wind

birds chirp as if to say “good morning, how are you?”

a squirrel pokes his head out of a tree branch examining his surroundings

a turtle sticks it’s limbs out of his shell and begins crawling toward the light

everything comes alive in the morning

 

everything comes alive with you

for the world has no existence apart from you

by your word the sun shone forth

land was formed with oceans spanning in between

animals roamed from the heights of the mountains to the depths of the sea

while birds soared in the skies above

and mankind emerged from the dust

everything comes alive in the beginning

 

everything comes alive inside of me

a million images flash before my eyes

thoughts leap around inside my head

blood pulses beneath my skin

hairs stand upright on my arms

my chest contracts with every breath

water forms in the corners of my eyes

everything comes alive inside of me

sounds

sounds connect me to the world around me

from my sofa i hear the refrigerator churning out ice cubes

then the air conditioner cuts on dampening other noises until the temperature is regulated

outside i hear birds communicating in the early morning hours

squirrels are mostly quiet until they become territorial

dogs growl and bark announcing their presence

a lawn mower rumbles in the distance

a construction crew is jack hamering concrete not far down the street

horns honk as people rush to their jobs

a passenger plane departs from a nearby airport

and i am awake to the world around me

why

why do i scramble to find something to do

when you are with me in the stillness more than the activity

why do i ramble on with my words

when it is in the quiet places that i most often find you

why do i look for you in every place that i go

when you are always with me inside my heart

sunset on white rock lake

saturday morning rain

everything is calm this morning

no light spills through the window

grey clouds cover the sky

the only sound is the pitter patter of raindrops

and i am at peace within

morning lake meditation

There is nothing quiet about the lake in the morning, but you have to become quiet to notice it.

The sounds do not bombard you or compete for your attention. They just exist in this landscape, waiting to be noticed.

Birds chirp, geese honk, turkeys gobble, a rooster crows, men’s voices are muffled in the distance, an outboard motor starts, the hum of tires on asphalt paving shows up occasionally.

All of this is easily missed when we bring our own noise into this environment. 

Instead of intruding upon the sacredness of this space, let the sacredness of this space intrude upon you.

 

There is nothing quiet about my heart in the morning.

So, I sit and wait for the sacred to intrude upon it.

what i am learning

Pay attention to the world around me.  (presence)

Allow space for relationships to develop.  (availability)

Silence is the most effective pathway to the heart.  (wisdom)

sunrise on lake hayden

 

meditation on hayden lake

The water is calm, but it is constantly moving. Concentric ripples form where fish jump out of the water. Small birds flutter overhead and then dive down toward the water’s surface. The dark clouds are not threatening. They hang over the lake like a canopy and then slowly move on opening the sky to the day.

awakened to your love

here i am

and you with me

you in me

and i in you

gazing upon you

gazing back at me

i am awakened to your love

 

you refine me with fire

you melt away my dross

you take my every loss

with you to the cross

you make all things new

and my soul is renewed

as i am awakened to your love

distraction

what is most vital?

what keeps me from it?

which direction am I pulled?

is this my normal bent or am i so used to bending that i no longer stand up straight?

 

there are tears about the past

there are fears that hold me back

but i am still living

the blood is warm underneath my skin

i am not retreating

my heart is still beating

even as i move closer to the grave

morning sun

the newness of dawn

surrounds the trail

where the trees are a cathedral

ushering me into the morning sun

my heart is full

cool weather

warm sky

love eternal

forever to abide

faithful as

the sun in the sky

day after day

pouring forth speech

covenantal love

never to be breached

to a runner

She is wild like the tangles of her hair

spiraling out in all directions

there is no place that she won’t go in conversation

and no land so foreign that she would not travel in person

yet all of the exuberance that she possesses may just be a way to run

She is uninhibited like a hawk in the sky

soaring free from the shackles of modern convention

unconfined by the trappings of the world

unique and unbridled, enthusiastic and expressive

and like a lone fawn in the forest, often prone to run

Her eyes sparkle with amber hues of champagne

light and effervescent, full of mystery and surprise

like bubbles in a glass, joy rises within her

drawing me in, yearning to know her fully

yearning to know and not run

She is stubbornly attached to her convictions

and often swims against the current of popular opinion

unable to fully accept ideas until they become ideals

and are firmly planted in her mind

even if they cause her to run

And these are all the ways that I have come to know her

and these are all the little things that I love about her

and while I yearn to know her more fully

I am only left with what I have been given

in the times when she does not run

my stomach is full

Lord it is hard to serve you when my stomach is full

I’m stocked up on groceries like it was Y2K

My gas tank is filled up and my car is brand new

My clothes are all spotless I’m dressed to the nines

I’ve got five thousand friends on facebook and they all have plenty to post

My bank account has more than I will ever need

All of this prosperity must mean that you’re blessing me

but Lord it is hard to serve you when my stomach is full

I focus on my own needs and ignore your commands

tennis shoes and teardrops

Tennis shoes and teardrops

Bicycles and benches

Cobblestones and candlelight

Memories in pale moonlight

Paddleboats and picnics

Melodies and memories

Soft green grass and clear blue eyes

Underneath the cloudy skies

Balconies and balustrades

Flights of stairs and curly hair
Countertops and kitchen sinks
My heart is full of precious things

crisis of conscience

Flat on back

feigning sleep

I need heat

to come to me

Settle me

into these sheets

Rock me gently

into sleep

Awakened now

to productive cough

Head is clear

heart is heavy

Everything

that was important

is not so today

Relationships

have more meaning

than anything that I achieve

Live for love

whether or not

you receive it

always be
the one to bring it

deep mystery

Comparison is the thief of joy

and I've been robbed many times

So much life has passed by me

like water under the bridge it won’t come back

It moves down to the sea where it is lost forever

and I am stuck here on the bank

Too old for the young girls and too young for the old

I’ve sat at their tables and I didn’t belong

It made me long for something more

It makes me long for home

or at least the same face every evening

where we know we belong

and our lives are rolled together

like two verses of a song

where the chorus brings us together

Like rain on the sea we are joined together

in a deep mystery

great city

Oh great city,
Where streets connect at intersections
and commerce happens at every corner
business transactions with a handshake
and legal documentation to support
Where structures are erected or torn down
in the name of progress
where campaigns bring loyalty to ideals
and divide people over the issues

Oh great city,
Where sturdy buildings are reminiscent
of bygone eras and the lifestyles that went with them
shrines for the working class and monuments to the daily grind
Where moral codes are eroded by the hands of time
like a shirt in a dryer or under a hot iron
the heat is absorbed in the pavement
and wears down all who walk upon it

Oh great city,
That is still yet to come
Whose architect and builder is God
Who alone is immortal and lives in unapproachable light
Who prepares a place for all foreigners and aliens on earth
who live by faith in what was promised and not yet received
They shall posses gladness and joy
in that great city where God is present
and Jesus is Lord of all!

waking up

Let the wind blow through me

awakening what is deep within

cutting through the bones

past the marrow and the joints

flowing through the veins

to find a heart that beats within

From pale white to warm red

oxygen brings life

and anoints a joy to crown my head

bringing life to what was dead

waking up like a little boy

rising from his bed

Wake up, wake up o sleeper

rise up from the dead

Christ will shine upon you

and anoint your weary head

on the other side of the fence

“Hey you in the green shirt!” I heard the voice coming from the other side of the fence. Looking down to remind myself that I was indeed wearing a green shirt, I began to approach the fence skeptically. Perhaps it was just another sad story used only to manipulate and then after you’re conscience struck, only to ask for a few bucks.

“They said those in the green shirts were supposed to pray for us!” She continued. As I drew closer I could make out the figure of an emaciated woman who probably could have slid between the iron bars of the fence without any effort. A small boy was standing close by at her feet. They had not been at the community event that afternoon, but had heard from a distance and sent out a desperate plea from the other side of the fence.

“How may I pray for you?” I asked and she presented a litany of things to pray about. Looking down to where the boy was I saw another volunteer in a green shirt kneeling to talk with him. The lady on the other side of the fence repeated her list to the other volunteer in case she didn't hear the first time. She also confessed an alcohol addiction. When she finished emptying her burdens, we reached through the fence, joined hands with her and began to pray in the name of Jesus.

Many of the people that live in my community are like this lady. They are on the other side of the fence where prosperity and plenty have no name. They struggle with addictions and coping mechanisms that only provide a temporary escape from reality. They have more mouths to feed than they are able and finding a decent job without a high school diploma seems nearly impossible. They are on the other side of fence struggling, but not without hope.

God has called his children to reach through the fences, to pray and care for our community, to fellowship with them in the midst of suffering and to love them through our actions. As we do so, we find that the love of Christ melts the iron bars that separate us. We find that we are no different from our neighbors because we are all in need of God. We find that God longs to break down those barriers making a way through Christ to join with those on the other side of the fence.

hope

I'm wide awake
it’s the middle of the night
and I reach for the light
on the bedside table

Something has taken me
and won’t let me be
I am restless and unable
to know why it’s gripping me

But I consider that my suffering
is not worth comparing to the coming glory
so I wait in expectation
although I’m subject to frustration
I wait for redemption
and for this hope to come to me

I’m wide awake
it’s the middle of my life
what plan do you have for me
hope that is seen is no hope at all
but don’t leave me hopeless in spite of it all
just give me a clear call
and a mind that is fixed on the joy set before me

For when I consider my suffering
it is not worth comparing to the coming glory
so I wait in expectation
although I’m subject to frustration
I wait for redemption
and for this hope to come to me

let them know you

Let them know hunger

let then know thirst

let them know pain

heartache and disease

Let them know about

things such as these

Let them know murder

anger and pride

jealousy and

hate for mankind

Let them know this

deep inside

Let them know heartache

loss and tragedy

life without meaning

and emptiness inside

Let them know despair

and feel crippled from their pride

So that they may seek you

in the midst of the pain

So they may reach out

and find that you remain

never far from us

loving each the same

So that they might know you

instead of all the fear

and that they might reach out

to find that you were always near

Close to the brokenhearted

you come closer and appear

Close to the brokenhearted

you come closer and appear

new day

I awake refreshed
as the sun strikes across my face
sitting up I feel the warmth
and I am filled with awe at your embrace
though the night is not far behind me
and the darkness that it brought
eclipsing all the goodness
that resides within my heart
but the morning dew is resting
on green blades broken in the dark
as a reminder that your love for me will never part

formless and void

Like the earth I am without form

needing substance to give me shape

needing something to fill me

and sustain me beyond what I can provide.

I remain shapeless until shape is given to me

yet I conform to whatever consumes me

for I am consumer and I am consumed.

The contortions that bend me in all directions

and mold me into something recognizable

leave me sore and lifeless

and I desire to be left formless.

This is where you found me.

At the end of my striving,

at the end of my contrived methods to be

something useful,

something noticeable,

something with purpose,

you found me.

I was groaning inwardly,

tired from trying to be that which I was not intended to be.

You found me and spoke life into my body,

birthed a thousand desires into my heart

and set a new song aflame in my soul.

Now I desire to be conformed to your image alone.

distant day

I sit in the car as the morning arrives
hollow and empty deep down inside
Notebook and pen rest there on the dash
within my reach, within my grasp
Camera beside me on the passenger seat
full of photos and memories now out of reach
and just like a photo I’m stuck in the past
longing for things that never would last

And I am not here
I’m a million miles away
in the shadows, in the movements,
in the memories of a distant day

Sun pours through the wind shield
sprays light on a distant field
Mountains cast shadows in irregular patterns
a hawk circles overhead and turns
Grass weeds sway in rhythm with the wind
taking it all in I try to comprehend
and just like the sun I feel you reaching in
warming my heart with the love that you send

And I am not here
I’m a million miles away
in the sunlight, in the clear skies,
in the longing for a distant day

piano

You brought me this piano when I was only nine

and when I touched the keys upon it my face began to shine

now I can’t thank you enough for the stories I would find

when I played that new piano and escaped inside my mind

You gave me an instrument that sent songs into my heart

yet when I think back on it I find it played a bigger part

the piano wasn’t ornate it had no wood carving design

and the bench was nothing special, but for me it did just fine

the piano would not be welcome in concert halls or places well refined

it was just a simple sturdy upright that I would learn to play in time

And it put a new song in my heart

and in the darkness the melody was a shard

bringing hope when life was hard

and I would find it’s not the flashy things that shine

it’s what’s inside that resonates more loudly over time

Twenty five years later with my hand upon familiar keys

I close my eyes in hope to find some peace

I walk into a melody and I am lifted

I walk into a melody and life is sifted

complications erased

dissatisfactions have no trace

chords untangle inside my mind

and I think back to another time

when you gave me this piano and my face begins to shine

It put a new song in my heart

and in the darkness the melody was a shard

bringing hope when life was hard

and I would find it’s not the flashy things that shine

it’s what’s inside that resonates more loudly over time

llama wool

Llama wool is used to make many colorful fabrics in Peru.  First, the dies are extracted from a cactus plant and stored in large containers.  Next the wool is placed inside of the containers and then hung out to dry when enough of the dye has been absorbed.  The wool is now ready to be used in making the colorful fabrics such as hats, socks, sweaters, bags and toys.

broken people

Broken people in these seats
Broken people at your feet
Tears flowing down
where words are not yet found
In this moment, in this place
we sense love in your embrace

cusco

Declared a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1983, Cusco is picturesque.

savage wolves

Savage wolves are running with white teeth showing.
Saliva mixes in their mouths and drips from their tongues.
Paws beat rhythmically against the ground with increasing weight.
Breaking through brush they appear dimly under a moonlit sky.
Increasing in speed with new found freedom,
they run hard through the field approaching the prey.
Letting grunts and snorts be heard, they desire only one thing.

A bleating cry rises up from an ewe like a flare in the sky.
More bleating is heard and now scampering signals incoming danger.
Those who run away from the heard will surely be devoured.

But alas, there is another stirring in the brush!
A new shadow is spreading, covering the heads of the sheep.
Sharp facial features traced by the moonlight emerge from a hood.
A strong, sturdy staff is gripped in a hand as if to be used as a club.
The shepherd strikes out to defend his sheep
and no one will snatch them out of his hand!

miraflores

Founded in 1857, Miraflores is Lima's prosperous commercial hub, boasting shopping zones, theaters, art galleries, flowery parks, craft markets, cinemas and the city's highest concentration of cafés.

The roof terrace at Larcamor shopping center has a reflecting pool and spectacular views of the coast.

A view from the clifftops overlooking a pier containging shops and a seafood restaurant.

A modern sculpture stands near the coastline.

This bridge is a gateway to the coast for those driving down Avenido O. Benavides.

Inaugurated on February 14, 1993, Parque del Amor is devoted to the old Peruvian custom of courting in public gardens.

picture of you

Complexity, diversity, unity and harmony

it all seems to come to me when I think of you

it all stands out to me when I'm with your people

like ceramic tiles of many hues

we make up the picture of you

haiti faces

A boy from the village plays with an old bicycle rim.

A girl poses in the shade at the pavilion where others have come for medical assistance.

A cute little boy carries goods on his head.

A girl watches from the nearby bleachers.

A boy hangs from the rafters.

arm

After the accident on my bicycle my arm was hurting. Movement was restricted and my hand was swollen. The x-rays showed that no bones were broken, but the x-rays could not reveal the pain that I was feeling. The medication that I was given caused me to be dizzy and I vomited once. The following days revealed to me just how difficult it would be to live with only one arm. I was unable to do the most menial tasks such as remove a lid from a tube of toothpaste or tie my shoe laces tight enough to stay together. Turning a door knob would send sharp pangs throughout my entire arm. It was miserable and I was humbled by my limitations.

The sling on my arm was a constant reminder of those limitations, but it also reminded me of that the Lord takes pity on the weak and needy (Psalm 72:13). After all He chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong (1 Corinthians 1:27). That is why Paul said “I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10). Also, David was not the first born heir to the throne and he had the least worldly experience being the youngest of his clan, but God looked at his heart rather than his accomplishments. David’s heart would stand up to a giant and show forth God’s greatness through utter dependence. David’s heart would also be humiliated when confronted by the prophet Nathan and rely upon the strength that God provides to bring restoration (Psalm 51:10-12). This is the kind of heart that God desires for “the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart [He] will not despise” (Psalm 51:17).

My arm is doing much better this week and I’m sure that I will soon forget about the pain that once plagued me, but I hope that I continue to be dependent upon God as though I can’t do anything without him.

bringing life

Come and blow the dust from my pages
turning to places where sun has not yellowed
revealing stages of past ages
now merging into the present

Come and smear the oil on the leather
restoring that which was once hard
brining life to that which binds
the mystery deep within

haiti landscapes

The sky and ocean are bathed in sunlight.

Two trees at sunrise.

A view through the trees.

At the beach.

Early morning hills.

unkempt hair

Hey there man with your unkempt hair
What brought you here where people stare
and unkind words linger in the air
Did you swallow hard when you entered that door
Did you think you’d find what you’re looking for

Well I've got two hands and I've got two feet
and I'll walk to you so that we can meet
and I've got this heart beating in my chest
so I'll extend to you my best
cause life is hard and could get worse
if you leave tonight with any more remorse

partly cloudy

Sun setting through the window
shimmers golden hues through the sky and streets
Wet pavement reflects the beauty
while beads of water swell and then streak
Silhouetted trees and street lights contrast the brilliance complete
Wonder still exists in the everyday ordinary things

dogs and pigs

A dog is a dog
it will return to its vomit
A pig is a pig
it will return to the mud
An unregenerate man is unregenerate
he will return to his sin

Morality and good works
are not enough to amend
the soul that is condemned
Feast no more at the vomit on the floor
rise up out of your mud
come to the one who will atone with his blood

continental gin building

This past weekend I visited the Continental Gin Building for an Open Studios event where twenty three artists had the doors to the studios open for guests to view or purchase their works. Walking through the building at dusk with golden light pouring through the windows, I felt like I had been transported to another time.

joy and strength

Wind rips across the water suspending a seagull in mid flight
climbs up the hill to where I sit and scatters the pages of my notes
Warm sun reflected in the water now blinding in my eye
beaming down upon my skin making me warm inside
I have joy in the sun and feel strength with the wind
a dichotomy of things living deep within

shadows

Photographs are limited in their perspective. They focus on a single subject and present views that extend to the edges of the frame only. Like a photograph my view in life is limited. I can only see so much. The shadows in these photographs point to something beyond the edge of the frame. They serve as a reminder that there is something more.

ending and beginning

Sun setting
golden window pane
remorse growing
unable to explain
the day is ending
unable to refrain

Stars glowing
in the night time air
hollow feeling
rises without care
empty longing
that I can’t repair

Morning calling
to my night time eyes
rain is coming
falling from the sky
a new beginning
that I can’t deny

galleria

The Galleria Mall in Dallas was opened in 1982 and has remained a successful enterprise for almost thirty years.

A canvas mobile along the main corridor screens and reflects the sun.

Circular lights above a common gathering space.

Escalators move people from one level to the next near the ice skating rink.

A wall display at one of the many department stores.

Strong vertical elements combined with skylights focus the attention upwards at appropriate intervals for access to the retail outlets.

solace

There is a solace I have found
I wear it like an evening gown
it glows and glitters
and shows your worth
the fabric comes from virgin birth

It covers completely
from head to ground
and protects from dangers
all around

It always goes with me
so that I might remain
it never forgets me
like a chorus refrain

gourdough's

Last weekend's trip to Austin yielded some excellent eateries. One of which was Gourdough's, famously known for their exotic donuts.

The tag line says it all.

The menu provides both savory and sweet donuts.

I tried the Flying Pig (bacon with maple syrup icing) and the Porkey (Canadian bacon, cream cheese and jalepeño jelly).

One last picture of the afternoon indulgence.

flip happy crepes

Yesterday I took a road trip to Austin and went to Flip Happy Crepes where I found delicious hand-made savory and sweet crepes being served out of an Airstream trailer.

A blue tarp stretched between trees provided shade for scores of people at picnic tables playing board games and enjoying the goodness of Flip Happy Crepes.

A line was forming by the chalkboard menu.

After placing your order you could grab a beverage out of the ice box.

I tried the Moroccan Chicken Crepe and the Three Cheese Crepe and wished they had a Flip Happy closer to where I lived.