an invitation

i love you

i don’t need you

but i want you

i want all of you

do not withhold anything

invite me into everything

i will calm the storms

i will walk upon the raging seas

i will bring my peace

and my peace will prevail

sunset after a rainy day

 

the lord knows

the lord knows

he searches the heart

he perceives the thought

he is acquainted with my ways

 

the lord hears

before the word is spoken

before the silence is broken

he interprets my solitude

 

the lord sees

the end before the beginning

the way in the wandering

he looks beyond what my eyes see

 

the lord feels

the heartache that is repressed

the grief unexpressed

he touches the depths of my heart

 

the lord heals

everything that is broken

every ill word spoken

he restores my soul

 

the lord leads

beside still waters

and in triumphal processions

he guides all of my steps

center me

lord, you center me

you are my peace

a calmness that i can return to when i am off course

and overwhelmed by the griefs of this world

late

“You’re three minutes late.”

 

These were the words spoken by a daughter in a hospital room shortly after the chaplain arrived. Her mother had passed away three minutes earlier. Whether spoken plainly, as a matter of fact, or spoken with anger and resentment, they came with an impact. Life and circumstances are beyond our control. There is no way of knowing when someone will die, yet we all will die. In the face of death, we sometimes experience guilt. That is a natural response. What could I have done differently? How would I have liked to spend those last moments with the one I love? Guilt can overwhelm. Guilt can also be something that you place on another individual when it becomes too great of a burden to shoulder alone. I was three minutes late. I had failed to meet an expectation. An expectation that was unrealistic. We have no control over life and death. Yet three minutes late is right on time when we look at it from God’s perspective. Lateness creates tension and we prefer to eliminate that kind of stress, but what if God wants to bring you to the rock bottom? What if God is using this to deepen your own awareness and acknowledgement of your helplessness? Your deepest desires and desperations rise to the surface in such circumstances and only God has the answers we diligently seek, but often do not find. Do not move away from him. Lean into the pain and suffering. Beauty will emerge in time.

 

“Help is coming one day late.”

 

There is a song by Sam Philips with this refrain. She sings that “after you’ve given up and all is gone; help is coming one day late.” A cynical, jaded and morbid response? Perhaps. But there is more to it than what is on the surface. She continues saying “remember that there has always been good like stars you don’t see in the day sky so wait ‘til night [because] help is coming.” The good that has always been is God. We often experience his silence, but he is always there in the midst of the bad and ugly circumstances of life. Wait for him and he will show up in the night like the stars.

 

“If you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

 

Words spoken by both Martha and her sister Mary. Was Jesus late? Should he have been there sooner? Not in the least. Listen to what Jesus had to say about the situation. “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe.” This death was not the end. It was the beginning of something big. It was the beginning of a deeper revelation about Jesus. Lazarus would rise again because Jesus was the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in him though they die, will live. Everyone who believes in him shall never die. There is hope on the other side of death for those who believe in Jesus, because he is the resurrection and the life. When we are devastated by the circumstances of life and it appears that there is no help is in sight, be assured that hope will arrive late!

hungry crow

long beak and jet-black eyes

head constantly moving as you strut around the courtyard

dressed in crow feather black and blue you scavenge the grounds for food

you risk vulnerability by approaching benches where humans are seated eating lunch while looking at screens

you scamper toward a dropped french fry and eat it as if it is a worm, then continue to scan the grounds for more

head bobbing, hips wagging, you walk from bench to bench

if the humans were any less engaged you could eat directly from their styrofoam containers

god with us

in the routines of the day and in the stillness of the night

you are with us

in the joy and in the laughter

you are with us

in the sorrow and defeating circumstances

you are with us

in the anger and frustration

you are with us

in the abuse and the trauma

you are with us

in the unexpected and unplanned happenings

you are with us

in the solitude and quiet moments

you are with us

in the noise and activity

you are with us

make us increasingly aware

of your presence with us

slowness is your way

when i am stuck in traffic and running late

when the task is taking longer than i would like for it to take

remind me that i lose you when i am in a hurry

remind me that i cannot hear from you if i refuse to slow down and listen

remind me that slowness is your way

start of the day

i love the start of the day when the house is quiet

and my mind is free from the worries of the previous day

or the concerns that will surely come with the day that is before me

and i close my eyes and listen to the silence

and my heart is pulled into an ancient, divine presence

and i am enjoined with gladness of heart

as i abide in an ageless community of love

everything comes alive

everything comes alive with the first rays of sunlight

wet drops of dew slowly slide down blades of grass

tree branches stretch out as if yawning

flowers sway gently in the wind

birds chirp as if to say “good morning, how are you?”

a squirrel pokes his head out of a tree branch examining his surroundings

a turtle sticks it’s limbs out of his shell and begins crawling toward the light

everything comes alive in the morning

 

everything comes alive with you

for the world has no existence apart from you

by your word the sun shone forth

land was formed with oceans spanning in between

animals roamed from the heights of the mountains to the depths of the sea

while birds soared in the skies above

and mankind emerged from the dust

everything comes alive in the beginning

 

everything comes alive inside of me

a million images flash before my eyes

thoughts leap around inside my head

blood pulses beneath my skin

hairs stand upright on my arms

my chest contracts with every breath

water forms in the corners of my eyes

everything comes alive inside of me

sounds

sounds connect me to the world around me

from my sofa i hear the refrigerator churning out ice cubes

then the air conditioner cuts on dampening other noises until the temperature is regulated

outside i hear birds communicating in the early morning hours

squirrels are mostly quiet until they become territorial

dogs growl and bark announcing their presence

a lawn mower rumbles in the distance

a construction crew is jack hamering concrete not far down the street

horns honk as people rush to their jobs

a passenger plane departs from a nearby airport

and i am awake to the world around me

why

why do i scramble to find something to do

when you are with me in the stillness more than the activity

why do i ramble on with my words

when it is in the quiet places that i most often find you

why do i look for you in every place that i go

when you are always with me inside my heart

sunset on white rock lake

saturday morning rain

everything is calm this morning

no light spills through the window

grey clouds cover the sky

the only sound is the pitter patter of raindrops

and i am at peace within

morning lake meditation

There is nothing quiet about the lake in the morning, but you have to become quiet to notice it.

The sounds do not bombard you or compete for your attention. They just exist in this landscape, waiting to be noticed.

Birds chirp, geese honk, turkeys gobble, a rooster crows, men’s voices are muffled in the distance, an outboard motor starts, the hum of tires on asphalt paving shows up occasionally.

All of this is easily missed when we bring our own noise into this environment. 

Instead of intruding upon the sacredness of this space, let the sacredness of this space intrude upon you.

 

There is nothing quiet about my heart in the morning.

So, I sit and wait for the sacred to intrude upon it.

what i am learning

Pay attention to the world around me.  (presence)

Allow space for relationships to develop.  (availability)

Silence is the most effective pathway to the heart.  (wisdom)

sunrise on lake hayden

 

meditation on hayden lake

The water is calm, but it is constantly moving. Concentric ripples form where fish jump out of the water. Small birds flutter overhead and then dive down toward the water’s surface. The dark clouds are not threatening. They hang over the lake like a canopy and then slowly move on opening the sky to the day.

awakened to your love

here i am

and you with me

you in me

and i in you

gazing upon you

gazing back at me

i am awakened to your love

 

you refine me with fire

you melt away my dross

you take my every loss

with you to the cross

you make all things new

and my soul is renewed

as i am awakened to your love

distraction

what is most vital?

what keeps me from it?

which direction am I pulled?

is this my normal bent or am i so used to bending that i no longer stand up straight?

 

there are tears about the past

there are fears that hold me back

but i am still living

the blood is warm underneath my skin

i am not retreating

my heart is still beating

even as i move closer to the grave